every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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