Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
