Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
