I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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