FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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