YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
