why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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