i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
