So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
