Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
