While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
