I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish you could order shots online.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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