'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
