ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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