I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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