whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
