I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
