Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
