hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
