Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
