So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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