It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize