I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
