Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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