I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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