Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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