And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
