She is in my trunk
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
