Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
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Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
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I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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