You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
