I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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