my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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