Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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