"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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