You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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