these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
