My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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