i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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