My liver just broke up with me...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
