Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
