ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
