i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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