you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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