do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
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Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
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I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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