i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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