help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He has the fingertips of a God
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
