I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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