It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
jump out the window naked night went bad
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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