i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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