I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
