We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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