He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
