I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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