the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Shame is for Republicans.
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