I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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