If that was your dad, he is hot
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
