the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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