YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Barsexuality is the new black.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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