We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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