so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
