I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
