the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
