i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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