Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
