I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
