I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
