I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
