Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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