i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
