i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
