Cold hands, warm shart.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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