Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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