I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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