i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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